Thursday, February 10, 2011

Why, Again

I've felt recently that I'm picking up new skills; still questioning the pace at which I pick them up, and why it seems frustratingly slower than those around me. I'm a loner, to be sure, not by conscious choice but apparently by the side-effects of internal preferences and tendencies as yet beyond my ken. Not that I feel alone in this... there are many who appear to be alone and just don't see it.

I have trouble following in conversation, in being where everyone else is being, doing what everyone else is doing. It is as if, if someone else is already there, squatting and tearing up the soil, I need to be elsewhere. Not sure why that is, or from whence it stems, but yeah, it has been with me since I was a little kid.

One aspect of this tendency to take a side-long view of social interaction, is that I'm constantly asking "Why"?  And the more focused I get on a single skill area, the more strongly that question pervades my thinking -- why is this a worthwhile technology, why will it be useful to struggle with what seems to be the gratuitous constraints it imposes, why am I focused again on technology when it is the social interaction that is most obviously my own stumbling block, and why is it that I am not profiting sufficiently personally or professionally from either my skills or relationships ?

But the most important question "why" seems to be pointed at everyone else... my peers... why are you doing what you are doing?  Sean Hannity reminded me of this on his radio show. As I flipped on the drive home, I caught the tail end of a conversation about him confronting a businessman over taking stimulus money. He remarked that as a former construction worker, it would have violated his sense of ethics to build an abortion clinic building even if it was well funded.  To me, it isn't whether or not a customer is "being made happy," it is whether what we are pursuing should be done at all. 
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